I am aware as a therapist and a trainer that it can seem a little glib when I rattle on about techniques and strategies to help individuals. I like to keep my skills sharp and one way I do this is to push myself out of my comfort zone. This helps me to keep in touch with what it feels for people when I advocate or suggest techniques for students or clients.
To be aware of those feelings, thoughts and emotions of being out of my comfort zone helps me to appreciate how scary and difficult it can be for people trying to put things into practice. It also helps me to practice techniques and strategies so I know that they work and when I talk about them hopefully, it comes across as real and effective for people to use and try.
So what has been my latest experience …. well I put myself up for a part as a witch in the local am dram production of Macbeth. Friends and family have often called me a witch, in fun, because of my interesting in complimentary medicine and spirituality. My dad use to refer to my withering stare of disgust as a child as the evil eye and even my husband laughs when he trips over something saying it is me hexing him.
In August with my heart in my mouth, I went for the audition for a part as a witch and I was very surprised, given the talented people who auditioned, that I was asked to play the part of Witch 2. The auditions pushed me out of my comfort zone however when September came and rehearsal started in earnest my anxiety level shot up. This was a time to practice thought stopping and catching the negative and destructive thinking to avoid confidence levels falling. Re framing negative thoughts “I can’t do this I will never remember the lines” to “ Let me see how I do”, ” It will be good to see what I can do”
At the beginning of the production process, I had a few places to hide. There was a workshop for the cast to get to know each other. This helped me as I realised I was not the only newbie and that even the hardened local thespians felt challenged by Shakespeare. When negativity hit me in this situation, I reframed it by reminding myself a number of the cast were out of their comfort zone too.
The Witches rehearsed in the first place in our homes to practice and trial a few moves before facing the director, John. In this environment, I felt safe and my fellow witches were very supportive and offered help as they had been in previous productions. The read through was not too bad as there was some comfort in having the script in front of me. I had not stepped on stage in a production since I was about 13 years old and the thought of actually performing pushed me right out of my comfort zone. I can stand up in front of people and talk for Britain but acting is another set of skills altogether.
When the time came to start performing without script and in front of other members of the cast the irrational thoughts started and those words such as – must, should ought – filled my head saying things such as – you should be word perfect, you must get everything right first time and telling myself off for being rubbish as acting. I noticed this inner voice dialogue and had to work hard at reframing this negative thinking. Linking into the way the your inner voice talks to you and about you is interesting. How very harsh it is using the skill of being less judgmental and compassionate is very helpful. Taking a step back and seeing yourself through a friend’s eye can bring you back to the realm of reality. We are our own worst critic and can be so harsh on ourselves and this harshness erodes confidence and once you fall down into this judgement and harsh way of talking to yourself confidence and motivation can vanish like the wind.
The actual production was such fun to be involved in and if I am honest, I had a ball. It has certainly reminded me how harsh I can be on myself. Also that relaxation techniques and meditations I use and teach can help to relax and ground you when your head zooms off into irrationality mode. The two things that helped me before I went on stage was to follow my breath in and out this can help to keep you in the moment. The other one was to visualising all negativity flowing out of your body down through my feet and into the ground.
Yes, I did feel a bit nervous however that gave the edge I needed, and yes I did have a couple of moments when I had to pause to remember a line as did other members of the cast with far more experience. I am very pleased with myself and how I did as this was my first time performing with ACT (Axbridge Community Theatre). We had rave reviews and the feedback from the audience was amazing. I am certainly looking forward to the next production. Will I be nervous yes and do my techniques that help confidence and anxiety work yes.
