Can the can’ts came to me as a title for this blog as a thought for the day landed in my email in box this week. It made me think how much we say can’t in our day to day lives. The thought for the day which said, “Success comes in cans failures in can’ts”.
So many times I hear people talk about what they can’t do, think, feel or be. This negative type of thinking feeds into and activates so many things internally. The can’ts we say to ourselves feeds into negativity and as a result can lead to a lack of motivation, self belief as well as pump up the hormones that leads to stress and anxiety.
Saying I can’t to yourself is judgemental, un-compassionate and harsh. By saying can’t to yourself closes down any opportunity to grow, move forward and learn. If you do not try you don’t know what you can do or achieve. It is amazing what you begin to learn about yourself when you take baby steps and move a little way out of your personal comfort zone by saying I can.
Some people dislike change or find changing anything very scary, even the day to day challenges can be a hard task for some. Just using a reframing technique can help for example by turning a “can’t” into “let see what happens” can result in some big changes by swapping a few words.
So often our internal critic prevents us from embracing life and living it how we want to. The fear factor can be triggered in so many different ways such as a thought, an image, a sensation or a feeling. Sometimes it can be something small such as a look that you think someone has given you.
It is easy for our inner dialogue to become harsh, judgemental and without compassion. Learning to recognise when this inner talk becomes negative and harsh can help to turn the can’t into cans. This is where mindfulness techniques can be so helpful as it helps you to turn out wards and connect with the now rather than be locked in the head in negativity.
Sometimes when people talk about mindfulness and how to use it might at first appear complicated. The key to all this is practice as it needs to become second nature. When you first learn to ride a bike or learn to swim it is easy to wobble or fall or panic if you get out of your depth. When you become more proficient at the skills they become second nature. It is no different with applying mindfulness techniques to day to day living.
The good news is that mindfulness can be done anytime, any place, any where. They are simple and easy to use. The following are strategies that I uses and other people I have helped find useful.
- Follow the breath, breathe in and out and just follow the breathe without judgement.
- Find an object to focus on and if you attention wonders refocus back onto the object.
- Find a sound to focus on and if your mind wonders again bring your focus back to the sound.
- Carry a small object with you, this can used to help you to focus on the here and now hold it in your hand and feel the object, if your mind wonders focus back on how the object feels. (a small pebble, crystal or bead will work well).
- Have a mantra or word you can focus on in your head such as the Sanskrit word OM or something like peace or calm. Use your chosen word or phrase to focus your attention and if your mind wanders refocus on your word or phrase.
Here is a link to help you with the above click
I hope this has given you some food for thought and some strategies to stop the can’ts and be more of a “can” person.
Mindfulness is not rocket science remember to be mindful to be mindful
